Sunday, October 26, 2008

sometimes i think about
how much easier life would
be if i were to be like
Everyone Else,
handling 20-hood in grace
and with
aLterNatecAps/colourulfonts/emoticons.
instead of whining and
being nervous about life being
a pain in the ass.
it would be convenient and
people wouldnt look at you like
a problem.

1:29 PM

Saturday, October 25, 2008

some days it would be alright
and then others
it would not be
life is uncomfortable
people are uncomfortable,
but necessary.

9:00 PM

i am (환)지에신
life/cool factor totally depreciating
from fangirlingness
pls spot sexy man
second from the left
HIGHLY RECOMMEND 1:57 FOR DEMONSTRATION
OF EXTREME CASE OF _______
shitz i am too big a loser i hate lisatan

1:56 AM

Friday, October 24, 2008

Justin Walker:
Sometimes it just feels
like hell,
and i have to let
myself feel that,
but it does go away.

12:59 PM

Thursday, October 23, 2008

yall are to me
what Christina Yang is
to Meredith Grey
most people don't get me
but some do

7:05 AM

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

at some point
it all comes back again
with all permutations of terrible
and loserishness
p/s exams looming i am nervous
kimchi awesomeness:

6:42 AM

Monday, October 20, 2008

i have been engaging
in high tech glue sniffing
these days i.e. youtubing
fangirling youkuing
surfthechanneling laughing at palin
on saturday night live perezing
i think the unhealthiness of it all
is comforting and my emo factor
dropped from 10 to 9.8
yes a grand total of 0.2 is still a drop

i think it has been working well
this Staying Away Foreverz
i am good at being okay
all i need is an e-gluesniff
i guess i am weird and there
will hardly ever be another you-ness
its fine
i dont think sadder makes a difference
to a sad life anyway
no one talks about sadness anyways
people only need the funnyz from me

9:39 PM

Thursday, October 16, 2008

when you wake up
every morning,
are you
1) surprised that you are alive?
2) disappointed that you are alive?
3) relieved that you are alive?
4) have no comments

( i wish i could insert one of
those survey shitz but due to
low technological abilities,
please just privately think
about it.)

i really am the biggest
freak i know who generates the
greatest amount of negative energy
from not necessarily the
most severe of happenings in Humanity.

10:22 PM

somedays i run out of
wise words to say,
so i'd just watch
the world reduce itself
into a wreckage,
and do nothing else.

9:01 PM

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I AM ON AN ELEVEN
ON THE PISSED-OFF 10 POINT SCALE.

RENOVATION WORKS ARE HAPPENING
AT HOME AND SO
I AM LIVING WITH DUST, CEMENT
AND A KITCHEN WITHOUT TILES.
MY MOM AND THE DOG HAVE
REFUSED TO FACE THE SITUATION
AND HAVE THUS FLED TO MY UNCLE'S.

AND SO WITH
ALL THE THGS THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO
BE IN THE KITCHEN AND LIVING ROOM
IN MY ROOMS,
I HAVE JUST ABOUT ENOUGH WALKING
SPACE FOR HALF A BLOODY HAMSTER.

ALSO, WITH CONTRACTORS MOVING
FREELY AROUND THE HOUSE,
THE FAMILY DECIDED THAT ALL
ROOMS DOORS ARE TO BE LOCKED.

AND SO
WITHIN THE PAST 24 HOURS
I LOCKED MYSELF OUT TWICE,
FAILED TO PICK THE LOCKS,
AS A RESULT
HAD TO HAMMER THE EXISTING ONES
AND CHANGE BOTH DAMN
DOOR KNOBS.

TWICE??????
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS
TWICE IN 24 DAMNED HOURS???

FIRST TIME
MY MOM WENT HYSTERICAL
AND THE SECOND TIME
THE ()*#$)(*$)(#$@ CONTRACTORS
TOTALLY HAD A GOOD LOL AS
I HAMMERED AWAY.

AM I A HOPELESS DOUCHEBAG
OR IS LIFE JUST A BITCH????

AND FOR GOODNESS
SAKE THE GOVT SHOULD STOP ASKING
PEOPLE TO REPRODUCE
BECAUSE IF THEY TOOK THE MRT EVERYDAY
FROM BOON LAY TO BISHAN THEY
WOULD KNOW THAT
THERE IS NO MORE SPACE LEFT
FOR ANYONE TO STAND ANYWHERE
STOP FREAKINNNN ADDING TO THE
DENSITY OF THIS DAMNED SINKING ISLAND.
IN FACT
YESTERDAY THE GATES AT BOON LAY STATION
FAILED AND ALL OF THE 6PM CROWD
HAD TO ENTER THRU ONLY 1 GATE.
HAVE U SEEN BOON LAY AT 6PM???
CAN IMAGINE ALL OF THAT
HUMAN FLESH GOING THROUGH ONE SAD GATE??
YES,
IF THE SMELL OF ARMPITS
WERE ANY WORSE,
I WOULD HAVE JUST HELD MY BREATH
AND LET MYSELF DIE THERE.

BYEX.

10:13 AM

Saturday, October 11, 2008

lately the gloom
decided to overcast almost
the whole of the world i know,
with so many of the people around
me going through rough patches,
the global economy is a carnage,
Man continue
to fight in wars of
oil-possession, diseases, discrimination,
idealogy and power-crazing:
it's like Greater Depression 2008.

sometimes i think these
things are bigger than us,
somehow in time the world will
get by, and sweep us along.
i guess that's how it has
always been.

Dear ______:

i know you are
in a dark, scary place.
sometimes you'd just feel like
you need to
sit and not move,
like any slightest movement
would aggravate the mess.
you are just not okay,
and you don't need to be.
it will pass,
would you be okay then?
maybe, but probably not.
but so what?
one day you will see things
in perspective,
but maybe just not today.
stay in this dark place
for as long as you must
because, i guess,
when you decide
to step out,
the world might be brighter
than you ever remembered.
i am not so sure,
because i have not in a long time,
but i hope you will,
so you can tell me.

P/S: please refrain from
executing suicidal acts,
i have weighed the options:
IT IS NOT A GOOD DEAL.

Hang in there,
jiesin

11:34 AM

Friday, October 10, 2008

SENDING THE LOVE
TO XUYINGYING:
may we be united in
overachievement and rich husbands
till a ripe old age.

I just got lost
Every river that I've tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off

9:55 PM

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

SO, IT IS OFFICIAL THAT
I HAVE ACUTE ATTITUDE PROBLEMZZZX.

today i shocked myself
fully by my inability
to integrate into mainstream
society.
it is as if the
socialising-pretense mechanism
in me
has decided to shut down
leaving the true blue recluse
raging its ugly ugly head.

sometimes i just really want to
be alone, or with people
i don't have to
strain every follicle
just thinking of the next
most political-correct statements to make
while suppressing the
eye-rolling bitch from expressing
my true sentiments about the situation:
i.e PLEASE JUST GO AWAY.

i thought about it for the
whole of my damned Boonlay-Bishan ride
and i realised to my sheer horror
that i have lost my ability to
get along with people.
because if i remember correctly,
there was a time i could.

i reasoned that i am good,
and in fact, i enjoy
talking to strangers or holding
superficial conversations
lasting not more thatn 15 minutes.
anything more than that
would be risky.

i am always living in the fear
of meeting someone on the streets/
on the way to somewhere because my
life is segmented to a 4:1 ratio
where 80% has been allocated to
quiet alone time,
20% of it
i dedicate to trying my best to
provide entertainment and laughs
to participants of my social life.
i feel that if i have performed
well in this 20%
i deserve my 80% so
PLEASE DON'T CALL ME IF YOU
SEE ME ON THE STREETS UNLESS
WE HAVE A MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING
THAT WE ARE BFFZ.

i am very afraid of people
who don't pick up gentle lil subtle hints
of our incompatibility,
forcing me to take more hostile
courses of action against their threats
of trying to be my Friend/ ____ etc.
i mostly like to keep things
official/work-related to people
whom i really don't see a future with,
because on top of being civil
i have to force the will to laugh
at the really unfunny humour and
counteract _______ comments.
most people claim to be able to
do that, they just have a
higher threshold for awkwardness
and pathetic conversations.

the stats mostly work out like that:
there are 60% of people
i secretly don't like very much,
10% whom i outwardly express
hostility towards,
8% whom i know but hardly even bother to
remember names of,
12% others that i have pretty
much neutral feelings towards,
and
10% of whom i love very much but
also whom i hope
i don't meet excessively
to prevent their falling into
the former categories.

i.e. I HATE MOST OF MY WORLD
I.E. I HAVE ATTITUDE PROBLEMSZZZZZZZ.
i will die a lonely cranky
old hag with no husband no family
and no friends.

8:45 PM

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

it is not a nightmare
until you wake up
from it.
it's been a long time.

10:11 PM

Monday, October 06, 2008

LIFE RECENTLY:

7:42 PM

Saturday, October 04, 2008

is a losing game.

11:57 PM

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

in the end
no-one should expect
anyone to know them
wholly and utterly.
we all have so
many personas,
so many facades,
so many sides that we
tailor for the many
circles we get sucked into.
so yes,
i really don't want
to know anything more
than what i know you
to be - it is difficult,
and it is awkward-
and you should never
imagine that you know me.

8:49 PM